Headaches.

I've had migraines. I've had them since I was a teen. I don't get them often, but when they do I felt as if I was waiting for my head to explode.

Since my injury, I've had headaches that make migraines look like a sweet little innocent thing. Nothing helps, nothing touches them. They are the absolute worst thing I've ever experienced.

Am I on anything? Nope. The doc I saw just wanted to see me when I had one, to give me a shot of something in my rear. It helped. It didn't make it go away, but it made me no longer care I had a head that I was more than willing to stick dynamite in my ears and lite the end and let 'er blow.

I was also warned about the severity of hitting my head again. One wrong bump and my life could be in shambles.

Two days ago, I was accidentally hit in the head. This is never a good thing. Never. I'm immediately confused on what happened. Slowly I loose the month, day, year, and so forth. It goes further than that but as I mentioned before I'm not ready to get into the really bad days.

I got a headache though. I've had the headache since. I still have it. It's pounding like mad. I want to scream. I want to kill something or someone. Anything to ease it.

My doctor has weird hours - I mean he went from 6 days a week to two days a week - one being from 3pm until 7pm, the other from 8am til 11am. HOW is anyone supposed to get in to see him at those times? You can't. It's impossible. So we are changing doctors. I haven't went to the new one for this. I'm scared. I know there will be questions. Questions I'm not able to nor want to answer. It's like an interrogation. I feel like I'll be arrested afterwards and charged with being a loon. Who knows, it could happen.

I know I've been taking anything and everything to try to just ease this monster in my skull. Nothing. I might as well be swallowing candy at this point.

I don't want to go to the ER. You wouldn't either if you'd go through the same fire line of questions, then be sent home with nothing (they won't give meds there anymore), and then get a nice $150 bill. Yeah, gotta love co-pays. So what's the point there?

So I sit and suffer. I can't play with my children. I can't even stand to hear them. The silence is making me crazy, the noise is enough to make me snap. I'm stuck between a rock and  a hard place. Maybe it's time to look further into finding a doctor that can help me. Give me meds for these headaches when they come on. Be there for me when I totally loose my mind. What are the chances of me finding that? Yeah, they don't exist. Plus, $50 specialist co-pay isn't enthralling either. Especially when all the specialists are 2+ hours away.

So I sit, I try to have just the right noise level of just the right things, I try to lay down often. I pray I won't die in my sleep from this.

Oh, how my head could put on it's on wacky rock concert right now.