It really does hurt! Alcohol hurts. Literally. I had about a teaspoon sized sip last night of whiskey - my old dear friend. I felt nice. I was relaxed. Ten minutes later, I realized my head hurt, and it just increased for hours. The pain in my head was insane. I was holding the sides of my head begging for death late last night. I just wanted it to end. Why? Why does this brain injury cause this kind of pain?
Today I was reading more pathetic reviews on that one "mommy porn" book. You know, the one that really is not porn, but bad writing of romance with a small twist. Yeah, that one. It was irking me something fierce. So I decided to get out my notepad and scratch something down. After that, I got online and searched my favorite erotica epub's sight. I now have a challenge upon my table.
I began forming this idea. It's like playing with clay. I had to get the 'right' clay. Now I'm playing with it trying to decide how exactly it should look when I'm done. I actually ended up writing over 1700 words today. Going from none to 1700? I'm impressed with myself. I was hoping to get more than that done, but I know it was a high amount for doing nothing all these years. Sitting was killing my hips and I just wasn't able to sit and do it anymore. My brain would not stay focused. I found I kept wanting to play games online. So I went back to the paper and ended up drawing funny looking doodles. Yeah, not getting anywhere. That's when I opted to just drop it for today. I'm hoping I can get myself to write more tomorrow.
My brain is like a child today. It wanted to work with me for a little bit, then had decided it wasn't fun anymore and wanted to choose it's own path for the rest of the day. Now while typing this, I'm watching tv. Actually I'm staring directly at the tv right now and typing this as the words are just coming. I have to look down during commercials to even read what I wrote because I'm not certain what it is that is coming out right now. My hands and heart want to write. My brain wants to veg out and watch tv - stupid tv - "Gator Boys". Somethings stupid, uneducated, silly reality type of show. *sigh*
I hope there are not many typos. If there are, now you know why - I'm barely looking at what I'm doing.
I hope I can convince my brain to write more with me. Then I hope it's good. Then I hope the epub likes it and wants to publish it. Then I hope it gets published and I can tell everyone that I am published again and to buy my shit. Then I can sit back and say "Yes, my life isn't completely over!" Then I can also tell people that my porn is real porn - not that crappy romance shit that they are trying to pass of as porn. *shaking my head*
Well I'm going to lay down on my bed and watch this stupid ass show. I don't get it but I cannot tear my eyes from it right now. My brain doesn't care about writing or this blog or hell, the fact that I have to pee. It just wants to watch this stupid show.
