I have a blog?????

Since when have I had a blog?!  I came across this by accident this evening. It was a complete shock. As I read through it all, it was as if reading things a stranger posted on the internet, but clearly it had to have been myself. It's like when you find an old letter you wrote when you were a child. You know you had to have written it, but you... well, no, normally you'd remember at least part of writing it or why. I don't have any feelings at all towards my blog. Though, it made me cry. 

I guess I'll keep going about myself and life with a brain injury. 

Last Fall I found a new neurologist. She ran all kinds of tests and wanted a final test done. I can't because Blue Cross Blue Shield won't cover it at all. It's thousands of dollars. I don't have that lying around here. So she said she doesn't know if she can do anything for me. She had me see a colleague of her's during that time, who gave me the results of my other tests. My MRI showed scarring, at least I think that's what my handwriting says. My EEG showed many abnormalities. He believed there was nothing that could be done to fix me and I'd have to find a way to live with how I am now. They also said that the vision and hearing issues were directly tied to my brain. There was nothing wrong with my ears or eyes - I was tested by specialists. They also could not give me any answers. Was I going to loose my hearing for good? Was I going to go blind? No one knows. 

Over a month ago, I developed a blind spot in my vision. It's annoying as can be. My vision in my left eye is also degrading. Yet, it's not the eye itself, but my brain. The blind spot is in the same eye. It's annoying and hard to accept because I was left eye dominate. Now what do I do? 

My mind is just reeling. I'm terrified of loosing my vision. Life's stress has my mind already in a jumbled mess. This on top of all the other stuff? I feel like I'm loosing my sanity. 

The doctors were impressed with how I've come to adjust to my new self. They said that I was doing incredibly well. Maybe I fooled them? Because I feel like a waste of space.