Acceptance

If I were to tell people that I had cancer, do you think the person would say they had it worse? They had a broken arm and it's painful but they live through it; therefore, so should I? Would they go off on how I need to stop telling people and just move on? While there are people that would be that hateful, most would not say that. Most would be respectful, kind, considerate. They'd try to be more understanding, even if they were completely clueless.

So why, after all these years, when I tell someone that I had a brain injury, I still run into people where they believe it's okay to compare their non life changing injury with my life changing injury? To belittle me? To make me feel as if a brain injury is just a small bump and I should move on? Do they not realize that I'm trying to share my feelings? To inform them on why I may act odd at times? Why at times I'll use words that make no sense? Why, at some point, I'll forget something important? Why I like different things, feel different ways, and honestly just want to be alone more often than not? Is it wrong to tell someone outright before they see these issues and think I'm insane? I don't think so. I think it's a smart move. I let people know that I will not remember them and why. That if I'm counted on to do/bring something, that I could end up forgetting and to remind me. To just cut me a bit of slack because I am trying. I'm still adjusting.

I had that with my family. I had it with now former friends. More recently I had it with a support group. A woman went off, not only to me but to two others with a brain injury, about how we need to move on. What were we expecting from our families? How she had a leg injury and while she still has pain, she doesn't tell anyone about it, she just keeps living her life and being happy.

She didn't get it. I went off. I lost it. I do that easily since. I let her know how rude she was and why her comment made no sense. I had Endometriosis and Adenomyosis. Most people didn't know. I didn't feel the need to tell the majority of people about it. It was extremely painful. It left me with very little living that I could do. It was hell on earth. I had a hysterectomy, but the Endometriosis in my legs have badly damaged my muscles. I still have a lot of pain. Once in a while, my pathetic ovaries will work and I'll have abdominal pain. I also have a bladder condition and end up in severe pain from it off and on as well. I don't go telling people about it, because it's not something they need to know. It's something I can hide without affecting anyone's life.

A brain injury isn't that way.

A brain injury affects personality, speech, language, feelings, likes/dislikes, mood, vision, hearing, balance, walking, memories, etc. A brain injury changes a person. No matter if it's a mild one or a life threatening one. It changes who you are. You are no longer the person you were prior. You are someone new. Someone that is different. You will loose relationships. You will gain new ones. It is a life changing injury. It changes the very core of who you are.

I will never understand why people feel the need to go off on someone like that. I don't understand why they can't take a few minutes, listen to the person, and just know that they aren't the same and you will have to just give them a little break when it comes to things, life, how they are. They don't want money, pity, sympathy. They just want a little forgiveness. That's it. They want you to understand why they forgot something, why they can't speak with understanding that day, why they are not listening - because they truly cannot hear at that moment. Why they are fearful about driving, yet they drove yesterday. It's a way to answer all the questions before they come up.

So if you are reading this, I doubt anyone is, just keep in mind that this isn't a normal injury. This isn't something that might change a few things about you, but not your soul. A brain injury will change a person completely. They are a different person and when they tell you, it's not to brag. It's not for information for them, it's for you. So that you understand why they do the things they do from now on. They don't want pity. They want respect. They don't want money. They want your understanding.

They just want you to cut them a little slack. That's all. Just a little slack.