Bad Mood Day.

I've had a hectic day. Sick kids, running to the school and back, etc. I'm worn out and it's exhausted me. I laid in bed for a while and cried. I don't know how to get myself out of this.

Right now my left eye is blurry. No idea why. It is making it very difficult to read/see right now. I had a seizure a bit ago, two actually. Just too much stress.

I don't think my eye is a result from the last seizure, then again it's been like this since it happened. So it may be. If I could see better I'd look it up and try to read. Just typing this is really stressing out my brain.

How can I live like this? How can anyone? There are people that live a life with a lot more wrong with them than what I have. I know that. I get that. I just guess I need a pity party right now. I wish I had the money for my medicine. I'm tired of these seizures and would love to see if the meds is what has been keeping it at bay for years prior.

I'm so tired. My head weighs a ton right now. I keep having to ask my children what day of the week it is. That's not good. I thought it was Wednesday and sent out the Wednesday email for a group I'm in - it's not Wednesday. *sigh*

I hope my husband holds me when he gets in tonight. I hope he doesn't blow me off. I hate when school is in session. I know the two don't have anything to do with one another. As I said, brain isn't working so well right now. At least I recognized that. Anyways, when the kids are in school, it's easier yet more difficult for me.

It's easier because I get many hours during the day of a huge break. I can do what I need to, when I am able to. I'm able to rest my head all day.

It's harder because I have hectic evenings and nights. It's a rush for homework, projects, after school activities, practices, games, lessons, have to buy something from the store the kids just remembered they need for tomorrow morning (the closest store is half hour away). Supper, baths and showers, etc. All this in just a few hours, each and every evening. I can't handle that stress. It drives me up a wall and down the other side and back up the next one. It's too much. Though, even when there's no place to run to - as tonight - the homework, 70% of my kids home sick, supper, my brain not functioning, two seizures, baths and showers - I can barely get it all done. I feel like there's no real time for anyone in the evenings. I hate it with a passion.

Yet, there's no choice in the matter. This is how it goes. The rest of the week will be a lot worse - we have practices, lessons and games every evening. I need help. I need a clone.

I need a break. I need people to understand my head better. I need a new brain.