New Neurologist

So I saw a new neurologist last week. She has a better bedside manner, seems to be more thorough. Time will tell if she's worth it or not.

She was honest - I am how I am nothing out there in the world can help me be who I was prior. I knew that, but to hear it was like a slap in the face.

I am having more tests done to see what happened earlier this year. My vision is all weird in that left eye still along with a few other issues. So we shall see what happens with it, if anything at all.

I'm pretty much me now. This is the new me. I have to either figure out how to accept it (i.e. remember it) and move on or keep dwelling over who I was. How do I move on, though, when I don't remember that I need to? It's basically damned if you do and damned if you don't situation.

I feel like my life is just wasting away. That I should be doing something with it. But what? How? When I can't remember what I just did or what year it is. How can one figure out what they are supposed to be when they are trapped in time?

This is a puzzle for someone who is brilliant. Someone with an overload of intelligence.

*sigh* Life is moving on, even though I, essentially, am not. It's strange. Everyone is getting older, things are changing, life is moving forward for every living thing, except for me. This may end up being the hardest thing I ever do in my life. I need to find a way to move on. The biggest challenge of my lifetime.