Eyes, Doctors and Books

After seeing the eye specialist again, and talking with him and my neuro together. They believe I have a very high pressure of CFS, which is causing pressure on my optic nerves, which is causing all my vision issues which will, in fact, lead to blindness. I have to undergo more testing. Yeah.

I've been worried for years about going blind. I've been telling anyone that would listen something was wrong. I've been screaming it really loud since my incident in February. No one listened. The neuro casually decided to look into after my last visit but wanted me to be seen by the eye doc again. He noticed right away the seriousness of the problem - though he MISSED IT last Fall when I saw him.

The longer this goes on, the quicker I'm becoming blind with no chance of reversal.

Why does it take a person years and begging and pleading before someone says that something just isn't right here and looks in to it? The eye doctor was so concerned he wanted me admitted to the ER. I refused. Flat out refused. It's been like this for so damn long now. No one gave a damn. Yet, now they are going overboard. Bite me.

Doctors are a strange breed. Some will listen to you. Some won't have a clue what they are doing or even talking about. Others act as if you have no idea what you are talking about (even while describing your symptoms). And we have the awesome ones - who don't have time for you - regardless of what is wrong with you. They will tell you anything to make you go away.

I've had run-ins with them all.

The big medical companies keep saying you should have one doctor that knows your entire history and stay with them. Have they met insurance companies? Have they even met some of these doctors? I've seen doctors seem like they are heaven sent for many years. Then, out of the blue, they don't care if you are really sick, they will see you in 6 weeks. I've been through more doctors than I have friends, lovers, family, acquaintances combined.

People are pushing to get better health care. To have a more reasonable medical costs. To have better treatments and diagnosis. Yet, it's only getting worse. I've been looking for a dermotologist for ten years now. Either they aren't taking new patients or they will only take the state medical insurance. Let's hope that mole I have that's different sizes, different colors with a jagged border isn't cancer. I'm guessing it's not since I'm still alive, but it would be really nice to know.

Anyways, I also finished the book I was reading. It was good. It wasn't great. The reviews all say how funny it was - I didn't see a single funny thing in the whole book. Nothing. I saw a serious injury that, by some miracle, healed itself completely with no lasting effects at all. Yes, I'm laughing now. The chances of having no lasting effects after being diagnosed with a TBI is slim. There's always something. It could be minor, but it's there, especially for as long as the main character had issues. It wasn't as if she only had issues for a few days or weeks. They went on for months, then  just went away with nothing left behind.

I want to contact the author again and tell her how I feel now that I've finished it. I did contact her on Twitter initially. With only so many characters to write, I can't figure out how to write it out without being a blunt jerk: Ur Bk is lie. Was OK as fiction. Failed for TBI ppl evrywhre. That just sounds too harsh. Besides, it will leave her wondering why I feel that way. There's no way to fully explain my thoughts and feelings and how it was so unlikely. Just like the quiet shy girl ending up with a prince on a white horse coming to her rescue. It truly fell into that category for me.

*sigh* Maybe I should write a book about myself. Maybe I should make it clear on what it is really like. How you do heal, but it's only to a point. How there are people that are worse than myself. Then there are those that are a little better off than myself. Overall, though, no one truly heals completely and totally from this. How hard it is. How ugly and sad it is. It's not a joke - though I didn't feel it was written as a joke, but some people that don't get it took it as a joke, I guess.

Maybe I should at least try.

Maybe