Vacations.

I was talking to my hubby today and realized something. It would be so much cheaper to send him to all the places I want to visit with a camcorder. He could go, take photos and videos, and come back with the memories. He could then proceed to lie to me that I was there. I honestly would never know the difference. It would save so much much - half price!

He didn't find that funny in the very least. I'm not sure if I should feel loved or ashamed. Actually my feelings are messed up often and I question how I should be feeling at times. It happens.

I'm still without the miracle medicine, so I'm lucky if I remember a day or so. If it's something repetitive - seeing the kids daily, using my new cell phone daily, etc - I tend to accept those things. If I look at them closely, though, that's when the issues start. I can't tell you when I got my cell. If I'm having a bad day, I won't even realize it's a cell phone. But for the most part, I can make things work, as long as it's a constant, daily reminder.

So back to vacations. I mean, seriously, what's the point of taking me on them? I don't remember them. I doubt people when they tell me that I truly was somewhere. I have no picturesque moment in my head to call upon. I look at items that I don't know where they came from. I'm then informed I got them on a vacation. Huh, go figure. It's not something that I can look upon and say, "Why, yes! I do remember buying this at that little shop." That doesn't happen. I don't even remember leaving the state, let alone a little shop and buying something from there.

So why bother?

I'll tell you why.

Because I want to. Because some day, some little thing, may just stick in my brain. I may wake up one day and remember a moment or a view, or a feeling from one of those vacations. Yeah, it's unlikely to happen, but it may. And I don't want to even take a chance that I'd be passing it up because I was feeling sorry for myself.

Yep. Someday I'm going to go to Ireland. And I might come back. ;-)