Yeah, I totally forgot I had this, again. Probably not even the second time and definitely won't be the last. *sigh* I just don't know what to do. One moment I think I'm doing so great, the next something comes along and it's like a slap in the face.
Tomorrow is Mom's Day. I was texting with a friend and mentioned I needed to call my mom. Of course, I bet you already know what came next. Yeah, apparently that pain wasn't the first time, but it sure as hell felt like it. I don't think I'll ever remember. I wonder if I'll ever be able to go through the grieving stages. I mean, when you can't remember it happened, can't remember finding out that first time and the pain and anguish - how can you work through it and move on? I wonder if professionals realize this and have something to help? I somehow doubt it.
I have to find a way to convince myself to look at this as not a negative, but in some kind of positive light. I wonder if I succeeded in that, then maybe I'll improve? or at the very least lead a better happier life.
Right now I question my existence, but from what I've written before, it's not the first time and most likely not the last.
*sigh*
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